First let me just say, Cyanide’s Blood Bowl 2 is absolutely gash. They managed to take a couple of the most obtuse menu and in game systems and make them even less user friendly. Good work, team.
So after 25 minutes of pissing around trying to get the game started, last night we finally kicked off the new season for Ill Culinary Behaviour. Coach Will bought his Dr Who themed Necromantic team, Carrion Screaming Again at 1120TV. Thanks to the weird new treasury system, all my inducements were miscalculated, but I eventually managed to rock a 13 Fling roster with Deeproot and the Master Chef… the boys had carb-loaded with their prematch pasties and everything was set.
One thing Cyanide do deserve props for is making it easy to spectate a game and for this one, the venerable Blood Bowl community legend and mightily bearded coach, Be4ch logged in to provide a running commentary via WhatsApp. It would be a crime to waste the wise words of a true sage of the Astrogranite so I’ll use Be4ch’s commentary as the basis for the match report and add my own notes.
Coach Ronarid: Amazing start for the chef
Be4ch: Al has 4 subs to Will's 0 and now has 5 RR to Will's 0. This could get ugly really quickly.
Be4ch: That 3 tree front line is very intimidating.
Will507: I don't even get a reinforcement if I get a kill.
Will507: Not that I ever get a kill, but you know what I mean.
Be4ch: Nope, no zombies to be earned here.
So my Chef really delivered for me here, the delicious odours from the Halfling hotpot massively distracted the Necro team, not surprising considering the Werewolves presumably have a great sense of smell. All three rerolls stolen from a team with just a handful of Block and no sure hands. Never mind the hotpot, I was licking my chops at this… until Cheering Fans annoyingly gifted a RR back.
The Hip Hop Halflings wont the toss and elected to receive, primarily just to get my three tree line of scrimmage into the action and try and get the numbers advantage early doors.
Be4ch: The kick off is kind
Be4ch: 2nd block is a BH zombie. Regen fails
Be4ch: 3rd block is BH zombie. Regen succeeds
Cunningstunt: Ronarid has gone full monster. Lovely stuff
Be4ch: It's 11 v 9 already.
Be4ch: There's a zombie down but not hurt although that might not be for long...
Be4ch: T1 ends with no foul. Somebody call a doctor, Ronarid must be unwell.
Be4ch: Will runs away T1 before blitzing a 'fling with a Wight. Gets the knockdown but no armour break.
Be4ch: Biggie Portions is my favourite Hip Hop Halfling. Sadly, Eric Brie is currently hogging the stage with the ball and surrounded by trees.
Be4ch: Tupac Salt Shaker fails a GFI and stuns himself. Ball is totally safe in the woods.
Be4ch: Will's adopted a unilateral non-aggression policy. It's made his players safe (for now) but he's giving up a lot of ground.
Will507: I just want him to score a TTM TD.
So the first couple of turns started well for the Flings. Two assisted three die blocks from Chuck Tree and Bustah Pines resulted in two CAS (one regen’d) and we were off. Coach Will pursued an unexpected strategy of dropping back out of tree range and not engaging. On the one hand this was frustrating in limiting my targets for blocks and fouls, but on the other, it meant my trees could begin their leisurely stroll down the pitch towards the end zone. With just one scrimmage zombie left for Deeproot to bash up, the drive was proceeding fairly serenely, There wasn’t even anyone for me to foul.
Be4ch: Deeproot continues to torment the last surviving LoS zombie but he's fresher than his ill-fated teammates and hasn't broken yet.
Be4ch: Rakeem-a Naan drops the elbow on the poor zombie but armour holds strong. The McCoy is taking a beating but he keeps getting up for more.
Be4ch: Nooo! Biggie Portions takes a slap to the (pork) chops but it’s just a stun. The fans can breathe again.
Be4ch: The walking forest is now up in grill of the remaining zombies just six squares from the end zone. The McCoy (Zombie) takes another beating! he's still on the pitch is anybody's guess
As the drive continued I resorted to fouling the zombie to no avail, until Will left the Wight that had been Blitzing me in a position I could potentially knock him into the crowd. Keeping the ball in a loose cage behind a tree wall, the Flings began to surround poor Tom Baker the Wight.
Be4ch: The Tom Baker is in trouble though.
Be4ch: Blitzed by a Halfling but the Wights armour holds. Tom lives to see another turn.
Be4ch: Rakeem-a Naan is stunned by a Flesh Golem blitz but still no injury ! These Halflings are tough.
Be4ch: Tom Baker is surfed. And the crowd KO him.
Be4ch: Will now three players down.
Took two turns but eventually three Flings managed to crowd surf a single Wight. With one of the Flesh Golems now blitzing into the rear of the cage, Will was starting to gum up the forward momentum of the drive.
Be4ch: Ronarid is on no hurry to score but his first tree takes root. The ball is still safe but that tree is out of the hitting game for now.
Be4ch: Timberrrr! Tree down. Not hurt but he is down. Will can't get to the ball but with a rooted tee and another on the floor the drive is slowing.
Be4ch: Dead fling!
Be4ch: It might not do much in terms of the game but I bet that felt good.
Will507: Yup.
Just one turn after Will started hitting back, we saw the team’s first death. Poor KRS One-more-serving shuffled off his mortal coil. With Zombies on the trees and the Golem and the Wolf both engaging the rear of the cage, the Hip Hop Halflings were counting squares to the endzone and anticipating the final push.
Be4ch: Turn 6 and the Undead are swarming the flings. Deeproot doing wok and stunning a zombie.
Be4ch: Looks like the flings are reforming a cage. If Chuck Tree can stand up, that will be massive.
Be4ch: Nooo! He fails to stand up.
Be4ch: Failed the Take Root roll, RR it, succeeded and then failed to stand up.
Be4ch: Flesh Golem the Troughton stuns a fling m
Etimmeh: This sounds excitingly brutal.
Cunningstunt: Trees are often the worst
Be4ch: Wight, The Davison, KOs a fling.
Be4ch: Numbers are about equal now but the flings still have the ball. 2 turns left this half.
Be4ch: Eric Brie is looking around wondering if he was paying attention during dodging practice or staring at the tray of snacks on the sidelines. My money is on the snacks.
Will507: I think we all agree Ronarid should go for the TTM TD now.
Crunch time for the first half – Coach Will had done a great job positioning his players to base essentially the whole team except the ball carrier. I couldn’t get a two die block on any of the players and there were no gaps to exploit for little Eric Brie, who had manfully smuggled the ball to five squares out. The choice was simple: three dodges (with dodge and a reroll) or a thrown team mate to try and get into the Endzone.
It was at this point I realised I should have read the TTM rules before the match.
Fag packet calculations based on poor maths and an incomplete understanding of the rules are meat and potatoes to any Blood Bowl coach, so after working out there wasn’t too much in it, of course I chose the TTM option as it was funnier.
Chuck Tree hoisted Eric Brie aloft and sent him tumbling over the heads of the Necromatic flesh wall…
Be4ch: Eric In the air
Be4ch: And KOd
Be4ch: Failed to land and the ball is loose.
Be4ch: Plenty blocks coming in from the Necro team but the flings are weathering the storm.
Be4ch: RR used on a block!
Be4ch: Will that hurt them. Here comes the pick up....
Be4ch: Success!
Be4ch: A Ghoul has the ball. Will can't score this half but he's probably stopped Al getting anything.
Be4ch: Well played.
Will507: I'm genuinely disappointed Al's TTM failed. He did deserve to score.
Be4ch: Personally, I think it's all down to the McCoy hanging in there all game despite a horrific beating. He inspired everybody else.
So the half ended with the Necro stealing the ball but unable to get it to the other end. A great half in terms of action but a disappointing lack of halfling fouls from my point of view.
Be4ch: Right, 11 v 10 2nd half, Will to receive. Good luck.
Once again the Chef pulled out a meal fit for an Undead King and all three rerolls were mine, and once again the rabid Necromantic fans cheered Coach Will back a single reroll.
Coach Will lined up with three zombies on the line, flanked by Wights, and everyone else in the back field. The kick off went deep and we were back in action.
Be4ch: The ball is caged deep in Will's half but both Wights a little exposed.
Be4ch: The tree hitting begins!
Be4ch: The McCoy is KOd. Bustah Pines finally taking him out.
Be4ch: Snoop Doggy Bags is stunned on a Both Down and the Wights survive.
In the first turn Will caged up deep, blitzed with a Wight and put the other into base contact with one of my flings. The little guys were licking their chops at the potential to for a block and a blitz across the two Wight, then a seven person gang foul, but they just could not haul them down to get medieval on them.
Be4ch: The trees are mostly tied up and the Necro cage moves to midfield.
Be4ch: The Tom Baker (Wigh) earning his keep by injuring Easy E (numbers) and levelling up.
Be4ch: Man! Deeproot KOs a zombie! This is savage.
Be4ch: Chuck Tree takes root and just pushes a zombie to really rub in how ineffective he's been.
Be4ch: Again the 'flings blitz a Wight but the Davison laughs it off. They can't get him down.
Be4ch: Biggie Portions fails a GFI and that's turn for Al. The Necro now push down their left, where the rooted tree is. Ball still safely caged.
Be4ch: After the violence of the last few turns it looked to be quieter this one but the Davison comes up with another stun right at the end
Be4ch: Swiftly followed by a stun from Deeproot.
Be4ch: Will continues down his left. Deeproot is out of the action in midfield, Chuck Tree is rooted and so it's up to Bustah Pines and the remaining flings to break this Necro drive.
Be4ch: The 'flings must have a few gold coins to spare as they've obviously had an Elf coach to teach them the finer points of defence and they're hastily arranging a column in front of the Necro cage
So as Coach Will advanced to the side of the core of three trees (one rooted) in the middle of the pitch, my halflings were entirely devoted to failing to knock down Wights. After a few turns, I got to a point where one of my Trees could GFI blitz the front corner of the Necro cage…
Be4ch: Bustah Pines hits the corner, knocks down a Golem and the Ghoul finds himself marked by a giant tree with 3 Halflings in front of him.
Be4ch: It's very tense now.
The Necro drive was disrupted, flings marking the golems and Wights and a Tree in the middle of the cage.. time to see if the lack of rerolls would tell
Be4ch: Now the Ghoul is wondering if he can dodge...
Be4ch: He can! He's free of the tree but he's had to go backwards. Several Orcs in the crowd have started booing. The subtleties of a tactical retreat lost on them.
At a time like this there’s only one use for a rooted tree – checking a Halfling at the ball carrier. Attempt 1:
Be4ch: Chuck Tree throws Rakeem-a Naan at the ball carrier, misses, and hurls him off the pitch where the crowd injure him.
Be4ch: Once again Bustah Pines blitzes himself free to mark the ball.
Be4ch: You can cut the tension with a knife
Be4ch: Will looking to free the Ghoul again but Al still has options. It's not done by a long shot.
Be4ch: Oh dear. Will piles in on Bustah to blitz with a Golem but only gets a push. Stand Firm does a thing and the Ghoul is still marked.
Be4ch: He dodges free again!
Be4ch: The wolf was worried for a second but Bustah Pines only pushes him.
Be4ch: Ronarids’ staunch defence has forced Will back and he's a little hemmed in.
Time for a second attempt at the ball carrier – could Snoop Doggy Bags succeed where Rakeem-ah Naan failed?
Be4ch: Another thrown fling misses the ball carrier but this time is only stunned.
No -but Snoop did knock down the Wolf to limit his movement options.
Be4ch: Big turn for Will coming up. The Halflings fails again to take the Wights down and it's T15 for the Necro.
Be4ch: Bustah Pines is down from a Golem blitz so the Ghoul is now free. Where he goes and how safe that'll be is another question.
With two turns left it’s now crunch time for the Necromantic team, having got away from the Trees, the Ghoul ball carrier is breaking free down the wing, but very exposed unless Will can blitz free a wight to provide some protection…. He rolls:
Be4ch: Double skulls!
Be4ch: Will skulls and RR into skulls!
Chris Sacred Chili: 😱
Be4ch: The Ghoul is totally exposed in the open.
Immediately the Hip Hop Halflings surround the Ghoul with three men for a two die block to secure the ball and…
Be4ch: The Flings fluff it! Just a push!
Be4ch: The Ghoul is trapped on the sidelines with nowhere to go.
Be4ch Ronarid has conceded that he's not scoring but he's asking big questions of Will's Ghoul.
Be4ch: 5+ 4+ 3+ dodges and a 2+ GFI with no RR....
Be4ch: Can he make it better?
Be4ch: Yes!
Be4ch: Blitz, stuns a fling!
Be4ch: The Ghoul scores!
Be4ch: Incredible scenes!
Coach Will made a great play to move over his team and blitz out the Ghoul to dodge away down the side line and GFI into the endzone – a very strong finish to a see-sawing drive that had everything. Including a CAS box that looked like this:
Unfortunately for me, the ghoul Touch Down celebration looked a lot like he tripped over and failed the GFI, so I had a moment of joy, followed by huge disappointment.
Turn 16 for the Halflings and one option available, we hand back to Be4ch:
Be4ch: And now we all hold our breath to see if there's an equalising TTM in Al's locker.
Be4ch: Fingers crossed.
Be4ch: Will the kick be good?
Be4ch: Quick snap. Great result for Al and the kick is kind to him as well.
Be4ch: Touch back!
Will507: Touchback...
Be4ch: The TTM is on!
Be4ch: Come on Bustah!
Be4ch: He lands!
Be4ch: Lots of dodges and a GFI
Chris Sacred Chili: Go al!
Be4ch: He scores! He scores!
Be4ch: Unbelievable! What a game. What an ending!
Coach Ronarid: Boom🍗🌭🍖🍔🍗🍟🍖🍕🥪🍔🍟🍖🍔🍗🌭🍗🥪🌭🍟🍖🌭
Will507: Deserved score.
Will507: Well done
Be4ch: Great game, chaps. Well played both.
Be4ch: I'm exhausted, God knows how you feel.
Coach Ronarid: What a game
Coach Ronarid: Well played Will, lots of fun
And that was that, a cracking opener for Ill Culinary Behaviour. Post match review to follow...