First a confession, I lost the replay to this match so I’m afraid there is likely to be some mistakes in the report and there are no sweet GIFs to accompany it. Which is a real shame as there was absolutely one stand out moment.
The game began with Jip Jipperson’s Baernerad (or something) Butterflies lining up with a vanilla Dark Elf team with no Witch Elves and a dodging runner. As is tradition the Fling’s now legendary Master Chef stole both of Jip’s rerolls and things looked good for Ill Culinary Behaviour to kick off.
Optimism in Blood Bowl is as short-lived as a snotling on a Chaos Dwarf line of scrimmage and of course, the high hopes for the game were soon snuffed out as Rakeem Ah Naan was killed by the first block of the game. RIP in Peace little guy. With another injury (to Eric Brie) in the next turn, the Elves made decent progression and though I did manage to blitz the ball carrier with Chuck Tree, the ball bounced to the one square I couldn’t reach and the elves had scored by T4.
My drive was predictably chaotic, with a fumbled high ball, a nice foul to badly hurt a lineman and the classic Skulls/ Both Down rerolled to Both Down / Both Down for a blockless Chuck Tree gave the elves the opening they needed to sack the ball carrier. Snoop Doggy Bags, the AG4 star-in-the-making, was calling into action and snaffled the ball, only to be immediately blitzed to the floor by the Butterflies Cadthan – a cynical act that certainly painted a big target on the rotter’s back.
The apothecary kindly offered me a choice of Damaged Back or Serious Concussion – so Snoop now has a Niggle, which I’m sure will be fine as he won’t be targeted at all by opponents *clenched teeth emoji*. Anyway the elves sauntered off to make it 2-0 as Bustah Pines repeatedly smashed Cadthan in an attempt to revenge his fallen comrade. Biggie Portions even fouled him when down, but the scoundrel was unharmed.
Shining through all the doom and gloom of this horrorshow was Biggie Portions putting the boot into a Blitzer before Bustah Pines attempted a desperate turn 8 TTM. LL Cool Jelly, the move boosted Fling was handed the ball and hoisted aloft - thought a reroll was used to make the throw leaving us at the mercy of Nuffle to see the score home. With the Dark Elves lined across the pitch, having made the landing all this heroic munchkin needed was three success full dodges and two GFIs to score. Well like Han Solo, you should never tell a halfling the odds and LL Cool Jelly casually sauntered through the wall of pointy eared gothic neuroses to land his 20% shot and go into the second half 2-1 down with Ill Culinary Behaviour to receive.
With the various KO’d Butterflies bruised, battered and bedding down on the bench, it was a motley crew of just 8 Dark Elves that emerged for the second half. The Flings immediately got to work with a smashed knee from Chuck Tree and a glorious gang fouling that sees Puff Pastry Daddy and Biggie Portions dropping elbows like The Rock, with the latter sent off sent off. The highlight of the drive was probably Buster Pines finally exacting revenge for the niggle of Snoop Doggy Bags with an absolutely medieval block that Badly Hurt Cadthan, some measure of rough justice delivered for niggling our beautiful boy.
As the remaining Butterflies reluctantly engaged the Tress, LL Cool Jelly eventually wriggled free and made a break for it, blitzing away a marker to make it 2-2 in turn 14.
The Dark Elves lined up with just one of three KO’d team mates willing to take the field and a kick off result of Blitz gave the Flings hope as they flooded the backfield, positioning Tupac Salt Shaker immediately under the ball, whereupon the little sod fluffed the catch. With a bad bounce the game looked over, Flings were being taken down left right and centre and Jip Jipperson soon had the ball in a scoring position. With a desperate Halfling read guard mounting a Custer-esque last stand, all Jip had to do was instruct his ball carrier to blitz free and score the winner…. It was then we saw the immortal words:
And so, with a single misclick thanks to the terribly unintuitive BB2 interface, the Halflings were gifted a point they in no way deserved. When you’re coaching stunties though, you’ll take any gift gracefully, no matter if it destroys the spirit of your fellow coach…. Onwards and upwards! To Transylvania for some Vampire action!